What The Marshmallow Test Gets Wrong

You know that scene in the marshmallow test videos where the kid does interpretive dance to distract himself from eating the fluffy white orb of joy? That’s adulthood in a nutshell: half of us devour the marshmallow before the researcher leaves the room, the other half stare it down so hard it fossilizes.

The first group likes Type 1 fun (in the moment, pleasurable), and the second group likes Type 2 fun (pain now, payoff later).

Spoiler: you need both.

Raising a kid sits firmly in the Type 2 camp. Roughly 70% is chaos, the remaining 30% is an almost illegal level of joy. A snorting laugh from my son while playing peek-a-boo counteracts every sleepless night. I’ve never felt more tired… or more certain I’m on the right life track.

If you’re reading this newsletter your calendar is likely jam-packed with the “someday this’ll be worth it” grind (side hustles, marathons, small humans). You probably need more Type 1 moments before you start hallucinating about grocery-store date nights to combine chores and intimacy so you can get back to the grind.

Fantasy author Brandon Sanderson sneaks a “0th Law” ahead of his famous three laws of magic: Always err on the side of what’s awesome.

Lately, for me, “Always err on the awesome” has been losing to the sweet siren call of the couch. Most nights, once the baby is in bed, it's 3 episodes of Friends and a little too much Twitter.

Yesterday though my wife suggested a small adventure for Father's Day. A London Majors baseball game. Free admission, a lukewarm hot dog and sunshine! Definitely not an adventure for any self-respecting Instagram influencer but it was just the break we needed to breathe some life back into the week.

Your entire life is an ongoing version of the marshmallow test. And, it’s at this stage you need to start asking yourself, “What actually makes a good life?”

Is it a life that is 100% pleasure? Beaches and Pina Coladas? Not likely. This is the life of a trust fund kid and most of them are miserable.

Is it a life that only in retrospect you’re glad you lived? This is closer. But if your entire life was just a string of delayed gratification and miserable successes only to be enjoyed at age 90, is that really where you want to land?

It has to be both. Eat half of the marshmallow now and save the rest for the s’more you’re making later.

Which type of fun do you not have enough of right now? And what’s the smallest thing you can do in the next week to balance that out? Do that.

Future you, and probably present you, will thank you!

Words I Wish I Wrote

Links & Learnings

• In a 1964 public inquiry into whether the film The Lovers should be banned for its adult content, Supreme Court judge Justice Potter Stewart was asked to define pornography. He replied with the ultimate non-definition:
 “I know it when I see it”.
 High agency is one of those “I know it when I see it” ideas. And once you see it – you can’t unsee it. (source)

• The reason big new things sneak by incumbents is that the next big thing always starts out being dismissed as a “toy.” (source) See Also: AI.

• "Think about self-control less as the quality of a person and more as the quality of a place. There are some places and situations that lean toward lower self-control and others that lean toward higher self-control. Self-control is about your context as much as your character. Put yourself in good positions." - James Clear

Psst… DSTLLD has a podcast now, too. I know — like the world needs another podcast, right? But here’s the thing: if you can tolerate my written rambles, you’ll probably find my in-person yammering… well, moderately tolerable. It’s basically me and a guest chatting about the same offbeat stuff you read here, except now you get to hear me stumble over big words in real time. I’m not saying it’s the greatest thing in the universe (trust me, I’ve listened to it), but if you like DSTLLD, there’s a good chance you won’t hate it. Win-win! Subscribe or follow on your favourite podcast platform:

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