The Conversations I Don't Have

A little note to self this week. Maybe you can take something from it too.

Okay Blake, listen up.

You know that Apple Note in your phone that says "Conversations to have…"? Yeah, it's time to delete that. But only after you have the actual conversations.

I know it feels good to write down all the things that you think you want to say, but here's the thing: you just need to say them. All those thoughts are just sitting there producing unneeded anxiety.

The hardest conversations you have aren't the ones you're avoiding with other people. They're the ones you have in your own head after you avoid the other conversations.

I know you've never been good at tough conversations, it's not who you are, you're naturally agreeable.

I heard someone say recently that most of what we do is just elaborate death denial. You hoard money, polish your resume and micromanage your kid because you want to feel like you’re in control. Like you won't be left behind.

I know that's what this fear is too. It's not about a conversation. It's about the unspoken worry that if you're truly seen as the messy and imperfect person that you are, everyone will abandon you.

And you’ll die alone in a forest, naked and afraid.

It's dramatic, sure. But your wiring is dramatic. It evolved when social rejection meant exile and exile meant death. So your brain doesn't know the difference between a vulnerable idea and a hungry predator.

The good news is we've progressed a little in the last 20,000 years and that probably won't happen to you.

The fear is never rational.

You're in a relationship with someone who has never once made you feel dismissed or disregarded. And yet.. when you get an idea about how you could strengthen your relationship or level up some other part of your life, you freeze.

What if she shoots it down? What if they don’t get it?

That whole getting rejected all the way through high school thing didn't do you any favours did it?

There’s a moment, right after you realize a conversation needs to happen, where your entire body clenches up like you’ve just been asked to defuse a bomb.

You know the wires are color-coded. You know it won’t actually explode. But, your hand still sits there hoping someone else will magically cut the wire for you.

Here's the thing dude, Gandalf isn’t coming with a pair of wire snips!

It’s time to shorten the loop between thinking about having the conversation, and having the conversation. Stop hoping someone reads your mind!

Hormozi says, “Learning means: same condition, new behaviour.”

For someone who says they spend a lot of their spare time learning, you sure are stuck on this lesson.

The best parts of your life aren't going to show up until you learn this one. And, as with anything, it takes reps.

So you better get started soon…

Words I Wish I Wrote

Links & Learnings

• Question to ponder for you - almost everyone’s life goal is where “I just don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do” but what happens when you start to get there?

• Why women weren’t included in drug trials.

• How does the Big 5 influence life outcomes 👇

Psst… DSTLLD has a podcast now, too. I know — like the world needs another podcast, right? But here’s the thing: if you can tolerate my written rambles, you’ll probably find my in-person yammering… well, moderately tolerable. It’s basically me and a guest chatting about the same offbeat stuff you read here, except now you get to hear me stumble over big words in real time. I’m not saying it’s the greatest thing in the universe (trust me, I’ve listened to it), but if you like DSTLLD, there’s a good chance you won’t hate it. Win-win! Subscribe or follow on your favourite podcast platform:

• Youtube

• Spotify

• Apple

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PHOTW (Parenting hack of the week): For the love of god do everything you can to prevent them from putting yogurt in their hair 😂