All Wins Feel The Same

Some days I feel like a sentient sock flying around in the washing machine. Wrung out, stretched thin, life spinning with responsibilities.

This week after a previous late night, a long day at work and crazy toddler filled evening we put the baby to bed. All I wanted to do was sit down and become a potato. Preferably the couch kind, not the, “let’s make homemade gnocchi” kind.

Instead, I laced up my shoes and went for a run.

Nothing heroic, 4km. I just knew that if I got my feet moving, I’d feel different after than I did before. And I was right. I didn’t finish the run feeling like a champion. I finished feeling like someone who had done what they said they would. And in the hierarchy of life satisfaction, that ranks higher than you might expect.

James Smith has this concept I’ve known about for a while but didn’t hit me until this week:

“All wins feel the same.”

It sounds reductive, until you realize how often we ignore it. We’re conditioned to believe that the size of a win should directly scale its emotional impact.

A six-figure raise should feel 10x times better than getting your baby to nap for more than two hours. That 100,000 followers should make you feel 10x times prouder than going for a run when you didn’t want to.

But it doesn’t work that way.

You don’t get 100x more dopamine from a book deal than you do from choosing the salad over sweet potato fries. In fact, the more you expect that big dopamine spike, the more muted it ends up feeling. Like a movie everyone told you was amazing that turns out to be... just kinda okay.

The real trap isn’t just that we overvalue big wins, it’s that we wait for them.

We delay our permission to feel good. We say, “Once I reach X, then I’ll feel proud, or peaceful, or like I’ve made it.” And in doing so, we miss all the little wins along the way that would’ve made the journey feel like less of an atonement for not reaching the goal sooner.

Life is mostly small wins. If you can train your brain to register and celebrate them, you become the kind of person who feels like they’re winning — often.

Not because your life is objectively more successful, but because you’re paying attention to the right things.

The alternative is waiting until you “arrive” — whatever that means. And even then, the celebration window is short. Because you’ll immediately find a new target. A new bigger, sexier thing. And that version of happiness — the one that always lives one step ahead — is exhausting.

So instead, try this: next time you resist a craving, or send the uncomfortable email, or follow through on a promise to yourself — notice how it feels. Really notice. That quiet sense of satisfaction? It’s not small. It’s not lesser. It’s the same thing a lottery winner feels, just without the taxes.

We live in a world that shows us only everyone else’s biggest wins. But we live our lives in the quiet middle. And in that middle, the tiniest victories are worth celebrating.

They’re what keep us sane.

They’re what stack up into a good life.

Words I Wish I Wrote

Links & Learnings

• Recalculating.

• If you consume too much food, you get a food coma. You can’t move. The same goes for information. If you consume too much information, you get an information coma. You overthink everything. You get stuck. - Sahil Bloom

• Small consistent actions.

Psst… DSTLLD has a podcast now, too. I know — like the world needs another podcast, right? But here’s the thing: if you can tolerate my written rambles, you’ll probably find my in-person yammering… well, moderately tolerable. It’s basically me and a guest chatting about the same offbeat stuff you read here, except now you get to hear me stumble over big words in real time. I’m not saying it’s the greatest thing in the universe (trust me, I’ve listened to it), but if you like DSTLLD, there’s a good chance you won’t hate it. Win-win! Subscribe or follow on your favourite podcast platform:

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